Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
