her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
