I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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