Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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