I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
