And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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