hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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