I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
