it was like eating out sand paper
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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