im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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