Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
pray to the hookup gods
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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