I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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