Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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