you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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