I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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