i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
