someone threw a dead crab at me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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