party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
