So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
