I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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