Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
