Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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