You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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