Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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