Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
