i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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