He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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