Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize