4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
