Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
