yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Randomize
