well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
