Define "chronic" masturbator.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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