oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
