he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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