oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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