a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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