my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
