I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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