I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
