it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
