he was CRYING into my vagina
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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