Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
