I hope mine doesn't look like that
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize