I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
