I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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