Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I need water and some morals
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
