I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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