Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
MIDGETS
????
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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