why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
