you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
