I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize