Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His nipple licking is glorious
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