Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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