i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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