i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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