wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
