dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
