WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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