my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
