He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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