I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
