i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
