are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
