I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
