I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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